Monday, May 23, 2011

Day+60, Day+61

View from roof of BC Children's Hospital
It's been 2 1/2 months (73 days) since we first started at BCCH.  We have needed all the resources that the hospital has had to offer to Gabrielle to help her get through the rigors of a stem cell transplant.  But, I've had enough, I want her home and I can't help but feel that her home environment would be so much more healing then the hospital to help her in that last little stretch.   Her bright home with fresh ocean air, her own bed, and all the 'life' that comes with 2 lively, loving brothers and people in and out all day.  Contrast that to her dark hospital room with no window to the outside, lit only with fluorescent lighting.   I can't help but think how much your environment helps you when you're trying to heal. 

What a journey. March 11th she had her line inserted and recovered for the weekend and the nurses,  and doctors were very much needed.  Monday, March 13th was the first day of her chemo, and again, the hospital, the nurses, the doctors, were absolutely necessary.

Those first 10 days Gabrielle was very sick.  So sick in fact that I wouldn't ever take my eyes off of her.  I was scared.  I slept literally with one eye open and jumped up so fast any time I heard the machines alarming or beeping, or heard the nurses coming into the room.  I was so edgy and not at all relaxed.  I think for those first 10 days, we barely slept when we were with her.  I even remember thinking when she was having her episodes of seizures that it was worth it to stay up all night if it meant that she would be safe.  I didn't even question my own needs, you just don't when you're a parent and especially when your baby is sick.

March 23rd Gabrielle was transplanted and we got to see science and modern medicine at it's finest.  I couldn't talk while the doctor was transplanting her.  I held her hand.  I cried.  I laughed.  But I wouldn't take my eyes off her.  I hoped for a new beginning and a better chance at life.  I stayed with Gabrielle that night and, again, I couldn't sleep and I wouldn't sleep.  The alarms and the beeps kept me so on edge and I was so nervous for Gabrielle.  I had no idea what to expect and I was willing to do anything.

Enjoying some fresh air with Daddy
Since transplant we have gone through a whole series of ups and downs.  We haven't slept much at the hospital.  She is on so many medications and is taking medications to curb the side effects of the medications.  It's crazy.  Gabrielle has needed all of it to keep her going in the right direction, though.  She's needed to be there every single day. She's needed all of the doctors, specialists, x-rays, physiotherapy, and treatments.

Now, I can't help but feeling that she is so close to coming home.  A big part of me wonders if being in a different environment would help her to turn that corner we are waiting for.  She is only on a sniff of oxygen away from being in the clear, and her lungs are improving.

Day + 61 and I just got a call from Regan who woke up with her at Children's this morning. Argh. Her cough has gotten a little worse and they increased her oxygen again.  Please send Gabrielle some healing energy today.  Her family misses her so much and I don't know how much longer my heart can take it.


  1. I feel your frustrations, we just want Gabrielle back home so bad as well - not only so her cousins (G&C) stop asking if she's at the 'hopital' but looking forward to being just a short visit away. love you guys
    uncle Ryan

  2. I don't know you... nor you me... but LHS posted a link to your blog and I read it with tears in my eyes. I will be praying for Gabrielle and your entire family on a daily basis.

  3. We are routing for you Gabrielle! Being home with all the lovely noises of family chaos can only help you get better. We hope your cough clears quickly and that the doctors see that you're good to go home soon. We wish we could come and cuddle and be a part of the comings and goings of your busy family noise. We cuddle you from afar Gabrielle, I hope you can feel us. Now kick this cough and go home you sweet thing!
    The Davis Clan

  4. Amy, in your previous post you mentioned something to the effect of not being able to come up with the right way of explaining the depth of your feelings in all of this. Let me assure you that each and every post of yours, coming from your heart about your dear little Gabrielle, brings me to tears and moves me so much. We are so excited about her homecoming and we look forward to many cuddles, giggles and coos without all the hospital hook-ups...
    loving you all dearly...