Since reading and reflecting some things have become more clear to me. As I was reading my post about grieving a normal life, I know now what I was trying to say.
I didn't want her to die. That's what I was grieving.
I didn't want her to suffer with her horrible disease. That's what I was grieving.
I wanted to protect her brothers from the sadness of losing their sibling who they were so incredibly close with. That's what I was grieving.
I wanted to protect my daughter from all the unfairness that her disease brought to her. I wasn't able to. Instead, I had to prepare myself to one day say good bye. That's what I was grieving.
How do you say good bye to your child forever?
How do you hold her hand and kiss her face as they take their last breath?
How do you live the rest of your life without them there?
That's what I was grieving.
|Our last family photo with Gabrielle.|