1. You regularly preface sentences with, "When I was your age ... "
2. The thought of going to a movie on your own sounds awesome.
3. When flipping through TV channels you automatically pause on cartoons your kids watch.
4. You wear the same 'at home' clothes multiple days in a row because you like them, they're comfortable, and you know no one's going to stop by on successive days to ever find out.
5. You accept the fact that the good looking ladies out in public aren't smiling at you, they're smiling at your kids.
6. Tired of trying to put the kids to sleep, you throw them in the mini-van and drive by the karaoke bar a few blocks from your house just to look at people out having fun ... and sometimes, when the stars really align, and everyone in the house has fallen asleep, you'll sneak down to karaoke bar to grab a beer and listen to horrendous singing because it's better than the 10 o'clock news on a Saturday night.
7. You don't even think about going to the men's fashion section in the department store anymore, and – if you're alone – go straight to the power tools and electronics aisles ... and, if you're with kids, it's to the diapers or toy aisles.
8. You're continually reminded that your deadly profanity combinations are no longer appropriate and work to replace them with words like "shoot" or "darn" and "flip" (but each time you do you feel like a part of your old self is dying).
9. You look out the kitchen window on a weekday night in awe at the 40-year old bachelor who lives across the street who's showing the 30-year old blonde (in her knee-high boots and mini-skirt) all of the cars he owns in his driveway ... and, as they speed away into the sunset, you can't help but think that it's one of the most beautiful things you've ever seen.
10. You find Chevy Chase funny in an entirely new and painful way (watch clip):