I used to relish in thinking about the future. I am a huge planner, I love goal setting, I love new experiences, and challenges. I love to learn.
Now, the future scares me.
I worry about my boys losing their sister. In watching the latest video on our blog that Regan posted the speaker mentioned how kids are programmed for survival and are incredibly resilient. I believe that. I am still scared.
I don't know how I will deal without Gabrielle physically in my life. The thought of not being able to hold her, hear her, smell her and have her scares me to death.
The future used to excite me.
Now the future scares me. A future without Gabrielle seems impossible.
I live for the day. I live for a walk outside in the fresh air with my 3 babies. Gabrielle close to my body in her snuggly. I live for the moments I get to lie beside her and watch her play with her toys. I live for the moments when I get to pick her out of her crib in the morning and she flashes me the funniest smile that makes me laugh out loud every time. I live for the shrieks and yelps when Gabrielle touches her brothers faces and babbles to them excitedly.
Gabrielle, you are so special. You make my life magical and more meaningful then I ever could have imagined. I love you my missy moo.