Shangrila?

I really have given this blog-thing a very pathetic attempt. I am making no time for it as by the time the boys finally get to bed, I'm pretty much there myself. But then I have Gabrielle who has her last feeding at around 11 pm and then I scoot into bed so lightening fast. I have started many posts but never publish them, it just feels funny to post 'diary-like' entries so I keep those to myself:)

Anyways, life has been pretty boring around here. No wait, let me say very boring! We have all been sick and trying to get better as Gabrielle goes in for her transplant in 3 weeks. It all started with James who came home with a yucky virus that gave him pink eye, runny nose, cough and a low grade fever. Of course it spread to Michael who got pink eye really badly and then Regan and then me, and then finally, poor Gabrielle. Thank god it's not pink eye, but she is all congested and not feeling well.

How do I keep Gabrielle from getting sick? It seems close to impossible.

I did everything I was supposed to and I even went a little over-board by disinfecting as much as I could once the boys went to sleep. I wiped down their toys, washed their sheets and pillowcases, disinfected the bathrooms, made James wash his hands every 15 minutes or so it seems, used disinfectant on Michael's hands, didn't take them anywhere 'public' like malls and stores only out for walks or out front playing hockey, wouldn't let them touch or go close to Gabrielle, didn't leave the house and she still got sick!!!

AHHHHH...

Does there exist a place where colds and flus don't affect people? A place where the sun shins all day long and you can push the kids out to play in their shorts and t-shirts and it's nice and warm? I never ever noticed this dreadful time of year until now. For as long as we have Gabrielle with us, I will forever dread it.

My paranoia stems from the fact that Gabrielle has her transplant in the third week in February. When I have a moment to think about what lays ahead for her it scares me. Really, really scares me. So, I don't think about it. I pretend that it's not happening. I switch to business mode and I talk as if I'm getting my car fixed.

We have a meeting with the doctors at Children's hospital this week, the following week she gets her stint put in and then the third week she'll be admitted and will start her 10 days of chemotherapy. After that, they transplant which is actually quite a quick process and then begins the most important part. Her body will begin to grow the new cells and will hopefully not reject the donor cells. Once her white blood cells are back up to 'normal' she will be sent home. Best case scenario from start to finish is 6-8 weeks. Sounds pretty simple eh?

My sweet, sweet Gabrielle.

xx

Thanks for the visit Auntie Danielle, coming all the ways from Grande Prairie to spend time with the family!

My 'mommy group' friends

I had a great night out with girls who I met almost 4 years ago when James was a little baby. They are commonly referred to as my 'mommy group' friends and I just love them!

They are interesting, wonderful mommy's, good friends, fun and best of all I feel like they are really trying to understand what we are going through and have been very supportive along the way.

Anyways, it has been awhile since I have caught up with some of them so I briefly told them about what was going on with Gabrielle and where we were at with everything. Whenever I start talking about Gabrielle and her medical plans it's almost as if I go into a very business-like frame of mind and Gabrielle is no longer my daughter but I talk about her like I'm going to get my car fixed. However, with certain people in my life, and at certain times, I actually 'hear' my words and I am in total disbelief about our situation. Tonight was one such night. I heard my own words loud and clear "Gabrielle is going for a bone marrow transplant at the end of the month" and I almost choked on my own words and could feel the tears and my throat tightening and my voice quavering a bit. I managed to hold it together as we were at a restaurant and quite frankly, it's exhausting getting emotional so often so I was relieved that I didn't turn in to a wailing, sobbing mommy-mess.

Gabrielle will be 3 months on Thursday! Time is sure flying. Our sweet little girl is still wearing NB clothes and some up to 3 month clothes, and weighs almost what Michael weighed when he was born. She loves to eat, she is starting to coo and smile. It melts my heart everytime I see and hear her and I mean it melts. my. heart.

I have really appreciated their support throughout this whole experience. They have been wonderful friends and have given me time to just get out and pretend that nothing is happening, to laugh, to talk, to plan and to listen. Friends like these, nights like these, are part of whatI need to get through this experience in one piece.

xx