A Normal Life...

I think for the past year and a half I have been grieving the loss of any normalcy.  What is a normal life? I think living a normal, or regular life is one that is predictable and kind of gels with the rest of the community and or culture that you live in.

Since the birth of our beautiful daughter Gabrielle, I have lost and have been grieving a normal life for me, my kids, my husband and most importantly, for my dear, sweet daughter Gabrielle.  And here I am, a year and a half later, and I am still crying tears over what could have been, and over what my daughter, my family will never experience.

Some of me has accepted our new normal.  But, I don't know if I will ever be 100% ok with our new normal.  I think a part of me will always, always grieve for the loss of life, the loss of many things amidst all the gains and lessons learned.  What I really would wish for would be for Gabrielle to experience life with a healthy body like mine, like yours, like the rest of my children.

However, that is not the reality.  And if you are going to cope and function on a day to day basis you need to focus on what you have, not what you don't have.  I have a beautiful daughter.  I love her with every ounce of me.  I look at her and I think to myself how much I love her and how is it possible to love someone so much.  Whenever I am in physical pain and I need some strength, the first person I think of is Gabrielle.  I think of all the challenges she has faced – and will continue to face – and how she overcomes each and every one with a smile on her face.  She gives me strength every day.  She is my little hero and has taught me that there is no normal.