Wednesday, May 4, 2016

The month of 'Mae'

My daughter.  My girl, my dream.  If it were possible for a mother and daughter to be soul mates, Gabrielle is mine and I am hers.

Her playful, gentle, fun-loving nature melted your heart.  She oozed with the most delightful energy that made you want to laugh and talk and be with her and her eyes drew you in.  She was so wise, wise beyond her years.

My story of Gabrielle is a love story.  It is an enduring love journey that not even death can steal from me.  It is my biggest fear that my daughter will be forgotten, will become a distant memory in the hearts and minds of friends and family as time carries on.  But in me, she is alive.  She is strong and healthy and she is draped over my entire body and spirit, invisible to the eye but present to me every second.

In the birds, in the flowers, in the ladybugs and butterflies and light. She owns them, they are hers and ours. Messages from her world right to my heart.  Our hearts. Reminding us that she is still with us.  Her love continuing to make our hearts beat strong.  Protecting us and guiding us as we carry forward with Gabrielle slightly ahead of us.

My little girl will never celebrate any more birthdays, go to school, graduate, or get married.  My heart has accepted that but I continually try to find ways to keep her spirit alive everywhere.

I'm beginning to think that all these beautiful pieces in nature: daisies, lavender, and songbirds were put on this earth to help me connect with Gabrielle.  They were put here as reminders and to help me to continue unfolding her story and her connection from her world to mine.

The month of May is a beautiful and painful month for us. May was Gabrielle Mae's last month on earth, and as time moves forward and her story continues, it comes to no surprise that her middle name is "Mae".  May is a time of beauty, hope, joy and love.   May is a month to celebrate, to celebrate life and the love of a mother for her dear child.

It's as if this May I've noticed an explosion of life, of spirit in nature.  Gabrielle is alive everywhere, the songbirds outside, the butterflies and the beautiful flowers in bloom.  Singing her song, showing her beauty and making her mamma feel connected and her heart beat.  This story is a journey of deep love.

As her 3rd Angel anniversary approaches on the 7th of June, her 6th birthday on the 13th of October and as I quietly and loudly continue to love and miss her through her death, the month of May becomes even more meaningful.

I want to spend the whole month of May in a garden where our spirits can be so strongly connected and I can whisper to the wind "I love you Gabrielle Mae.  I love you, I love you. I love you."


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  2. OMG what a wonderful reflection. More often than I'd like, I miss the little delights for a world of tasks and responsibilities. Thanks for the reminder. I miss Gabrielle's smiling little face and her gentle, piercing eyes. xoxo

  3. This brought a tear to my eye. You always manage to express how I feel but can't put into words. I see Julian in all of nature's beauty as well. Gabrielle will always hold a special place in my heart. Big hugs, Antonella

  4. Our son was born with I Cell in April 2012. We quickly found this blog. It was a fantastic resource for us and would look forward to any updates. In fact, it was our first port of call when surfing the net.

    Our son passed away in August 2015. We talk about him daily. He was the center of our daily existence. Life was very tough on us all, but we still fondly remember our struggles together.

    His sister was born in May this year. She is I Cell free. Her middle name is Mae, due to the month she was born in but also in part to this blog where we first came across the name.

    We frequently visit this blog, I would imagine that many new I Cell families will value it as much as we have.

    All the best,
    Irish I Cell family.

    1. Oh my goodness...thank you so much for sharing your comments. My heart is overflowing with love...I am so sorry about the loss of your son and congratulations on the birth of your daughter. Please keep in touch. Ireland is on our list of places to go and visit. xoxo

  5. Thank you Antonella. You and Julian will always hold a special place in my heart as well. The bond we share both mothering our terminally ill children will be a lifelong bond. xo