Halloween

Dearest Gabrielle,

Do you remember this?  This was your last Halloween with us on earth.  Your big brother James was in Kindergarten and I took the two older kids (you and Michael) to the school while Jonny slept to watch Jimmy's class parade through the school in their costumes and sing songs afterwards.  I dressed you up in your lady bug costume that I still have hanging in your closet.  How I miss having you in my arms.  How I miss bringing you up to the school.

Today, 2 years later, Michael had his parade and songs in the Kindergarten classroom but he wouldn't dress up and he wouldn't go into the class until all the moms and dad's had left and the classroom had returned to a semi normal state.  He insisted I hold his hand the whole time we paraded through the school and he was the only little boy without his costume on.  I didn't mind, I was so proud of your brother anyways.

I miss you beautiful girl.  Look how happy we look together, you lit up every room you went in Gabrielle.  You were so special.

Happy Halloween.

xxoo

Magical moments

We went to California this past Spring Break to visit two very special families.  Here are a few of my highlights:

Waking up in the morning and cuddling with Niko.  

Oh how I love my 3 boys.

Playing in the park in SF with the Dobro and Watson families.

The most special kids ever!

Our boys fell in love with Claire and Niko.  James was right at home lying on the floor beside Claire.

Jonny loved Claire!!!  

The Watson kids and our boys playing.

Gabby's spirit is alive and strong in our family.

A treasure

I found this picture while looking for something else and I had to pull it up on my computer and sit and stare at it.  I love this picture.  I haven't seen this picture in a long time.  I have gone through our photos of Gabrielle so many times, that I think I know each one off by heart.  But this one was not in my picture folder and when I saw it, it made my heart skip a beat.  Like finding a really, really special treasure. It brings back such special sacred memories.  My little angel lying in my bed with James and I.  James has been really sad this past week missing his sister so this picture seems fitting.  But I always found these two lying side by side, he loved being close to Gabrielle. To say it is difficult living day to day missing your child is a complete understatement.  In fact, I'm constantly torn in sharing my journey in missing my angel because I find words just don't even come close to describing the way my heart feels.  Not even close.  

I love you my beautiful daughter.
xxoo

Canuck Place Adventure Challenge 2014 a success!!!

Thank you everyone for supporting us in this very special event to raise money for Canuck Place.  The day couldn't have been more beautiful down at Jericho Beach in Vancouver.

As a bereaved mom, I spend my time in two worlds.  One being with my boys and Regan and the other with Gabrielle.  I am filled with such joy as I get to watch the three boys grow and enjoy their lives and I am also filled with such sadness as I visit her daily in my day and imagine Gabrielle with us wherever we go.  It has been these 4 boys that have kept me breathing since she died. She would have loved being down at the beach with us, I can picture it so clearly.  We miss her so much.

So while I absolutely loved the race; kayaking in the beautiful ocean looking at the mountains, the downtown landscape, the beach and enjoying such a feeling of peace, to screaming through the trails feeling like a kid  again as I raced up and down the hills through the majestic trees to the final run where we cheered on the other competitors we saw, I finished with such a feeling of emptiness.  It was tough.

We got to see the kids at the transition point and they were so cute.  The looks of determination on their faces was the absolute best thing to see.  James was so excited and because of this experience can't wait for his next race.

I am so grateful for all the support we received from all of our family and friends.  Thanks to my beautiful sister Julie for joining me and wrapping her arms around me at the finish line.

Canuck Place provides the most wonderful care and I will continue to be involved with them.  My connection to them, is and always will be, paramount in my life.

Watch James' Fundraising Video for Canuck Place in Honour of Gabrielle

James, our 7 years old son, demanded we make a video and put it on the internet. He is participating in an outdoor adventure challenge to raise money for Canuck Place Children's Hospice in honour of his sister who passed away a year ago.


To make a donation please go to his fundraiser page. If that doesn't work you can make a donation in Gabrielle's name.